How a Failed Interview Changed My Life's Perspective

I'm sure we have been through many different kinds of interviews. Short, long, and weird is a small list of interviews I have seen. But there is one interview in particular that I always go back to and think about. At the time, I was crushed because I genuinely wanted that opportunity. But as time has passed, it is probably the most important conversation I have had so far, and it has paid dividends to get me where I am today.

The Interview

I interviewed at this company a while back that I will keep unnamed and undescribed for anonymity. There were going to be three interviews with me to see if I was going to be a good fit for the company. The last interview was with the Chief Information Officer. I was nervous.

I got through the first couple of interviews well enough. I fumbled in a few places, but not so badly that I thought I was an automatic out. Then I got to the CIO. When we sat down and started talking, I learned that he spent some time in the Navy. Luckily for me, I am a bit of a military brat myself, so I asked him about his MOS (Military Occupation Code, or the type of job they did) and his time out at sea. We hit it off pretty well. We talked about military life for a while before moving on to the part where he started asking me about my experience and what I could bring to the team. I was being open and honest about what I could provide and he was nodding along.

When we got to the part where I could ask questions, I remember asking him, "What was one thing I could do that would be guaranteed value for you, what would that be?" He sat there for a moment and looked at me in silence for a while. He put his right hand up against his shaven face and rubbed it against the side before placing it back down on the table. He gave one last look at me. It was like he was studying me. Examining my expressions after asking the question. He took a deep breath and said:

"Make friends. Make friends and relationships. Those people will take you farther than any piece of code you will ever write."

He went on and talk about the importance of making good relationships with clients and how that's a great way to cut through the noise. At the time, I was so focused on the interview that his profound statement did not hit me until well after I had left.

Once our time was up, I shook hands with him and he escorted me out the door. I received an email days later notifying me that they've decided to look for other candidates, but I am always free to interview with them again in the future.

Impact

I am an introvert at heart. It takes me a long time to make friends and trust people in real life. The idea of making connections so freely was a concept that I was not used to. I am far more used to keeping to myself and not being a burden to people.

Years later after the interview, I started going over that section of the interview over and over again.

"Make Friends…"

I felt myself being teleported back to the portion of the interview. I looked back into his eyes as he brushed up his right hand onto his shaven face one more time. Time had slowed down. More thoughts and insights from that portion of the interview pelted me like hail. It was like parts of me were being blown off.

Then the world started to shake inside and around me. It was like the inside of my mind was having an earthquake. The ground had started to open up from right underneath my feet. The environment around me started to shift and fall apart. And it appeared. There lies a deep chasm that had manifested right before me. I peered over the opening in the ground. Darkness. After staring into the void for some time, I pulled away and saw that everything around me had become darkness as well. I could not tell if my eyes were open or shut anymore.

After some time moving around in total black, I snapped back into reality. I went and poured myself a glass of water and looked into myself from the outside. What was that? What had happened? I looked back at that moment again, but this time with everything in silence and frozen. I studied through the looking glass. Then I realized something inside of me changed.

I started to fundamentally change the way I interacted with people in day-to-day life.

I made an effort to connect with people on a deeper level. Everybody around me was given the light of day. If there were moments where somebody needed a sounding board, I offered to be there for them. In turbulent times, making sure everybody was emotionally secure was a top priority. Most important of all, I kept myself honest with everybody around me.

Do you want to know what happened after that?

People did the same for me.

Difficult projects became radically easier. Whenever I needed help with something, I was being prioritized. People started keeping in touch with me after hours and forming true relationships outside of work.

I changed one small thing about me, and it made a world of difference.

Moving Forward

I learned lessons that day. Everyone you meet has the chance to become your mentor, whether they know it or not. Even though we sat down for a short amount of time, I am still trying to find value in that interview. And though it wasn't meant to be, maybe that was what was needed to happen.

The saying is true, you miss all the shots you don't take. I almost did not take the interview because I thought I was not qualified. But now my perspective has completely shifted. Every opportunity I can to do something, I take it. Not because I believe I will be able to make the next big jump, but because there is always something to be learned by having the experience.

And it might just change you for the better.